


Blue

by T3ND3RY (orphan_account)



Category: Heathers (1988), Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Character Death, Homophobia, I'm Bad At Tagging, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Self-Hatred, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-12
Updated: 2019-11-12
Packaged: 2021-01-29 16:57:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21413554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/T3ND3RY
Summary: Ram enjoys girlsRam likes boysRam loves Kurt.Ram hates himself.— starting off at junior year, this follows Ram's self hatred and love for men up until their unfortunate death.
Relationships: Kurt Kelly/Ram Sweeney
Comments: 3
Kudos: 40





	Blue

**Author's Note:**

> Please read with caution. this contains heavy homophobia and internalized homophobia along with abuse, and mentions of past self harm. this is canon alined (once they hit senior year) 100%. this can be triggering for some and i do not want that. there will be smut and when that happens I'll pre-warn it in the chapter notes! ‹3

Ram loved ninety nine percent of his life. He was on the football team, his grades were rather good, and he had a decent future ahead of him. He could even get with anyone he wanted. He fucked any girl that was willing and even planned on who to hook up with next, but he really didn't want those girls at all. He thought they were rather gross, and that made him feel disgusting. He didn't understand why he hated being with girls, and he wanted it to stop. he wanted his feelings for his best friend to stop. Kurt Kelly was a guy, he shouldn't ever fantasize about him. he shouldn't think about going on dates with him or being able to fuck him. Ram planned on fucking as many girls as he need to make those feelings go away. no matter how gross he felt, he'd make sure he wasn't a stupid faggot. Heather was Ram's next goal. Heather was probably one of the hottest girls he seen which was odd because he thought most of them were ugly. Maybe he liked her for how small she was. whatever it was, he wanted to fuck her until he was brainwashed back to normal. he'd do anything to fix himself before anyone had the chance to find out.   
He was worried most of the time, worried that someone would notice the way he looked at Kurt, or the way he acted around him. He's always been so clingy and touching with him ever since they met 2 years ago when they were freshmen. Junior year and he had always loved Kurt. how disgusting; nonetheless, he hung out with him 24/7. 

—✧ ☽ ✧—

Ram was over at Kurt's house for the thousandth time this week. They had just finished screwing around outside and were now laying in Kurt's bed, sweating and exhausted. Ram was laying near the foot of the bed while Kurt was curled up on his pillow.   
"Dude," Kurt speaks up after a while, "I'm so not ready for homecoming."   
Ram chuckles, "Why? I'm sure we got the game in the bag. Our team’s gonna rock their socks off."   
"Oh the games not an issue, I'm talking about the dance. I don't have a date."   
Ram rolls his eyes, "Bro, you're really worried about not getting a date? As if we haven't just gone as friends since freshman year."   
"Yeah, but what if you bail on me this year"   
"I could never do that. You're my friend. My best friend."   
Kurt smiles and quickly moves around, pouncing on the other. Ram yells and playfully pushes him over and manages to get him off the bed. Ram smiles and starts laughing when Kurt looks up at him with big puppy dog eyes. He couldn't just leave him like that. Ram hops off the bed and hugs Kurt, cuddling him. eventually the both of them dose of and sleep for a few hours.   
Ram eventually wakes up, hearing the front door slam shut, and he jerks up.   
"Hey," Ram says while gently shaking Kurt, "Your dad's home. I gotta go now, you know he doesn't like me."   
Kurt nods and mumbles something before Ram just grabs his bag and leaves, wanting his best to avoid Mr. Kelly.   
He walks home thinking about Kurt's gentle touches and mumbles from their little nap session. He gets home and dreams of his friend, sadly to awaken absolutely disgusted with himself.   
Ram gets up and grabs his clothes before heading into the bathroom to shower. His morning was rather routine. He'd get up, shower, eat while avoiding his older brother, then get a ride with Kurt to school, after that it was sort of a mess depending what Kurt wanted to do. He goes through his morning and was waiting outside for Kurt to pull up. When he finally does, Ram notices someone sitting in the front seat. It was a girl. Ram shrugs it off while flinging his bag onto his back before hopping into the back seat. He sits behind Kurt and playfully puts him in a chokehold until he taps his arm three times.   
"Sup loser." Ram tells him as he ruffled his best friend's hair.   
"Mom's making me give her a ride," he says gesturing towards the girl. now that Ram could fully see her he notes that it was Kurt's sister. "but other then that, nothin much dude."   
Ram chuckles, "I was wondering who that was when I saw you pull up."   
"Yeah, her school is just up the street, so we won't be late." Kurt reassures his non existing worries.  
"Okay but being late is fun." Ram argues while playfully poking at Kurt's sides. Kurt shoves his hand away before turning into the middle school. He stops and his little sister hops out and waves before running off.   
Ram tossed his bag into the front seat floorboard followed by him climbing over into the passenger seat.   
Kurt grabs his water bottle from the floor, and hands it to Ram. "Taste this bullshit. I mixed eggnog with tequila and it taste so good."   
"Kurt, it's 7am and you're already drinking?" He questions in a teasing tone. Kurt just rolls his eyes and shrugs.   
"I mean I could just not offer you some." Kurt rebuttals. Ram rolls his eyes and grabs the bottle from him before taking a swig.   
Ram shakes his head before handing it back, “Dude that is so nasty, jesus fuck.”   
Kurt chuckles and places it back down on the floorboard, “I’ll finish it during my first hour before it goes bad.”  
“Yeah, it’ll spoil pretty quick.” Ram tells him as they pull up at the school. Kurt parks in his usual spot and Ram sighs. Kurt chuckles and looks over at him. Ram looks up and looks him in the eyes, watching him lick his lips before looking away and getting out of the car.   
All day Ram kept thinking about that moment, The way kurt was looking at him made him so happy and hopeful. Hopeful for gross things, but still hopeful. Seeing him look up and down his body while licking his lips, made Ram happy. He didn’t want his best friend to be a fag either. Ram knew that if Kurt was accused of being a gay it would cause a whole mess, outing himself too. Ram didn’t wanna hurt anyone for his stupid faggot likings. The day continues and Ram keeps thinking about Kurt.   
Ram skips lunch and practice that day, he couldn’t bear seeing Kurt that day, he just wanted to go home and cry.

**Author's Note:**

> leave comments and kudos if you enjoy !! updates may come randomly. 
> 
> twitter: @T0SHIN0RIY4GI   
tumblr: psyduckiie


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